At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
