I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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