im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
