I'm jealous of your bromance
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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