how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
