He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I have fence marks all over my body
Randomize
