Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
