I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
