I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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