I saw his package. It spoke to me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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