i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
