Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
