I can tuck mytits in my pants
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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