Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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