omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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