i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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