I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize