he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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