Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
