you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
