i don't like sucking hair
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
