I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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