I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he fucked my hip out of place.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well I just put wine in my tea
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
