I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
