I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
