If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
