Cold hands, warm shart.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
