Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
