that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm way too hungover for life right now
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize