I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
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