Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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