Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
