God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
