He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
