i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
