but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
