your room smells of hookers.
And success
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
