That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
