WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
