did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I want to fling myself into the sun
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
