Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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