Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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