I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
