Can Purell be used as lube?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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