I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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