it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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