So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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