ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
