We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
