her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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