At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
