oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
