i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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