i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
