He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
