I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
