she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
