Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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