singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
