Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
