Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
