I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
