Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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