I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
