If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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