My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
