So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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