Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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