remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
