hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize